"Type-A" -- something to be proud of?

Type-A -- something to be proud of?

I am in a pissy mood today. I have finally gone into POST acute withdrawals, after four+ months of acute. Yes, it does happen to people. I am on the exaggerated end of the "withdrawal-o-meter," because of my age (almost 60, my health stuff, and the types and taking-duration of medicines that I was on). I finally, *thank God!* turned a corner awhile back, but am still pretty ill. Just not torture now, which in all seriousness, it had been. I have not been as ill since I was in my second cancer treatment, and that says a lot. I am extremely weak. 

I am doing that thing that so many of us who deal with chronic illness do -- feeling exasperated and angry with myself for all of the things that I am not getting done. And there is SO much to do... Every day, I see it build up more. As somebody who was a very "type-A" go-getter personality, this is very, very trying for me.

I also muse over how many of us who have these enduring illnesses self-describe as "Type-A" people. I know that it may sound odd to many but I am inclined to say that the touted "Type-A" personality is one that does more harm to us than we would like to think. Type-A's are driven...almost to the point of obsession with being "productive." Type-A personalities rarely are contemplators and meditators. Type-A people tend not to allow themselves to rest, and take pride in that sacrificial drive. Type-A people tend to ring with that high tension that one can feel as soon as they are near.

Type-A people also seem to thrive on the idea that they are considered so important to the functioning of "x" thing (be that a work project, family running smoothly, etc.). "I am Type-A, and people seek me out for that organized, super-proficient capacity." Type-A people are almost always over scheduled, over worked and over depended on. They feel a sense of pride over this. And it slowly sucks the life from them. 

Yep, Type-A's get things done, but they also commonly become ill with stress-related conditions. They typically have digestive problems, blood pressure problems, stress itself that is high, and little capacity to calm down and *accept.* Many have depression issues. Lots are getting drinks after work. Many have troubles enjoying the simple things of everyday life, because they so often have "just this one more thing I have to get done." Many have limited communication and time for their families, and the things in life that nourish the soul. In fact, Type-A personalities rarely have time for the soul and spirit.

Type-A -- is this a position that we truly *want* to adopt? Certainly it has been one that employers enjoy and encourage (duh). Certainly, when the words "Type-A" are uttered, people imagine things getting efficiently *done* by efficient, organized, productive people. 

The Type-A personality has a very ugly sides. I am not sure that I am so proud at having been this type for my entire life. It led to self-recrimination when I was not "productive," and did not lend itself to the more subtle beauties of quiet reflection and non-judgmental *acceptance* of the fact that we are not always going to be as productive, or as "together" and efficient as we would like to think. There is so much to discover outside the boundaries of "efficiency."

The brain-addling activity of multi-tasking; being a "multi-tasker" is another self-description touted by many, and encouraged by employers...but I have come to seriously believe that multitasking has extensively fragmented our ability for concentration, memory, communication, and courtesy. How many times do we switch the page as soon as another little things strikes our fancy? How many times do we allow ourselves to do ONE THING, with dedication and true attention? How often do we live with that little buzz of distraction in our ears...where to click next...whose post to read...what little thing to react to...?I know that I am working on consolidation my concentration and dedication to the task-at-hand, as my concentration, DUE to multitasking, has greatly suffered.

I read less than I used to. Hell, if I am posting on FaceBook (or doing something else less observable) day and night, it is clear that I am not doing a lot of dedicated reading. I deeply lament this. 

Now that I have become disabled, my old "get-it-done" personality has done nothing but hurt me. I am learning, from the beginning step, to be a different person. Someone who does what is at hand, someone who is trying not to synonymize illness and rest with slovenly, unworthy being. 

Type-A has been a disservice to me. 

Has anybody else thought about this?

I need to rest and not be angry at myself for doing so.